Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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