Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
