My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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