how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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