she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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