yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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