how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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