I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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