I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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