This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
