Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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