Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
