My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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