I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
