I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
