Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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