Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
