Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
