I'm going to jail i love you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
