his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
