chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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