the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
