girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
