so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
