the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
