remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
