I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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