i just wanna soil my oats bro
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
