he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
