i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He better not be in your backpack
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
