thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
