Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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