i dont even know how to be here
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
