we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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