I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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