I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
