All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
