Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
