I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
