me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
