Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
