The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
