You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
