I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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