what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
