I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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