okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
