Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
