You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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