I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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