she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize