my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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