what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
